Nowadays, many young people seem lost when it comes to relationships. They enter relationships not knowing where they want to go. With that lack of direction and knowledge, they end up losing time and creating wounds in their hearts. It upsets me when I see someone with a heart of gold losing faith after a bad experience. I believe we can prevent much sorrow with the right education. With this write-up, I hope to help you achieve the relationship of your dreams. If you already have a great relationship, some ideas presented here can further improve its quality.

Regular Deep Conversations

Prioritizing your relationship takes commitment and effort, but it’s extremely rewarding. Having regular deep conversations allows your couple to assess how things are going, discuss points of tension, and course-correct if needed. Start the meeting with a hug and kind words. First, discuss what is working well—you can both journal your thoughts in the meantime. If you want your conversations to be productive, you need to know what you want out of them. When we engage without intentions, how can we reach the right destination if we haven’t thought about it?

Also, it’s crucial that you validate your partner’s feelings. This brings us to the concept of empathy, which is not about agreeing with everything your partner says, but the ability to see and feel things from their perspective. When your partner is speaking, listen actively. Active listening means being fully present, without preparing your answer while the other person is speaking. You’re completely immersed in what the other person is saying. It involves paying attention to body language, reflecting back what has been said, and asking open-ended questions. The objective is to allow your partner to express themselves fully without fear of being judged.

The following questions can be very powerful: Out of 10, how much do you feel understood by me? What can I do to improve it? Especially men, be aware that many women don’t want solutions but just your full presence; it allows her to feel safe. When you give her the space without interrupting her, you are showing her that you’re there for her. It’s the best thing you can do for her, especially if her love language is quality time, which we will identify later.

Poor communication is the number one relationship killer. Always make sure your communication remains non-violent. Dr. John Gottman has been able to predict whether a couple would divorce with over 90% accuracy based on six factors. All of these are directly related to poor communication or impact the quality of communication. To be a great communicator, favor using “I feel” and “I need” statements after direct observations over blaming your partner with “you” statements such as “you do this wrong” or “you are this bad.” Using these words, you take responsibility for your own emotions and needs. Asking “Is there anything else?” is a fantastic way to make sure your partner has emptied their heart. Finally, when you want your partner to do something for you, making requests using “would you” is great.

Define a Common Vision

I bring up this concept very often, but it applies to everything we do in life. You have to define what heaven looks like for you before you can bring it to this Earth. In my men’s group, I encourage each member to visualize their dream life and write it down in the form of 5 to 10 lines. You can do the same with your partner.

I believe many people don’t ask the tough questions, at least not early enough. I’ve encountered many women who stayed in a relationship for five years or more waiting for their man to propose. I believe firmly that you can marry with peace of mind within a year or so if you tackle the tough questions early on. Sex may not need to be part of it; it might even be advantageous to delay it, allowing you two to develop true intimacy. Furthermore, studies have found that couples who wait until marriage often report higher stability and satisfaction levels.

I remember hearing that people need to agree on the following four subjects: money, children, religion, and in-laws. My good friend Édouard told me that when he prepared his marriage with his wife, people were arguing about money during the Catholic preparation. We can avoid this route. Let the flirtation happen at the beginning but define the path early, that way you respect each other’s time and mental health. I’m sure if you both have the right mindset and a heart full of love, it will last an eternity.

Study the 5 Love Languages

In his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, Gary Chapman introduces what he believes to be the missing data that makes couples resign. He puts it this way: “No matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your spouse understands only Chinese, you will never understand how to love each other.” He lists the following love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. If your partner’s love language is acts of service, maybe more specifically preparing meals or doing the laundry (dialects), you can say all the kind words in the world and still not make him/her feel loved.

Gary suggests three questions to ask yourself to discover your own primary love languages: What does your spouse do or fail to do that hurts you the most? What have you most often requested of your spouse? In what way do you regularly express love to your spouse? These three questions will reveal your primary love language.

To foster deep intimacy, try the gratitude tennis exercise. You start by mentioning something that you are grateful for and then let your partner do the same. “You score double the points” if you express something related to your partner or couple; it’s especially true if your partner’s love language is words of affirmation.

I hope you found some valuable information here. There are many habits we can adopt to ensure our relationship flourishes for eternity. Start by implementing the one that you feel will give the highest rewards. If your partner is reluctant to join in this, you might need to take the lead. Chances are, they will join you on your journey. I pray for this. I believe a world of happy marriages is a happy world.

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